Should be interesting to see what people get!
Item #: SCP-5-J
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5-J is to be kept in a onions-lined containment chamber located in Al Gore's fishing pond, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 bankers armed with bottle of whisky.
In the event that SCP-5-J ever begins running its Penis, Prof. Farnsworth is to Ayo! SCP-5-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Zeta -7 (''Futurama'') is to be dispatched to SCP-5-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-5-J is a smelly giraffe . Like most members of its species, it is able to ran giraffes , and regularly eats twice its own weight in onions each day.
SCP-5-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with cyclists , which causes it to turn into Dennis. Whenever this happens, all Ayo! within a 4 kilometer radius will begin to Ayo! Ayo! uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Chuck Norris. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-5-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-5-J was first located in Grotsville where the the Globetrotters were using it in order to The Terminator. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Zeta -7 (''Futurama'') was able to recover the object with only 23,000,000 civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 5-1
Dr. Offenpoffenschoffenleim : Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Offenpoffenschoffenleim , and I am about to test SCP-5's reaction to deflicate. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Wordzsmith?
Dr. Wordzsmith: Yes sir, ready to begin test.
Dr. Offenpoffenschoffenleim : Excellent! I am now introducing the deflicate to 5... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.
Dr. Wordzsmith: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.
Offenpoffenschoffenleim : Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN wangalanglang! IT'S GOT MEIN wangalanglang! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
In light of incident 5-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█